Monday Mentor Week 43-Non Verbal Communication and Tone

A great deal has been written about the importance of non-verbal elements in the totality of the communication picture. Ranging between sixty and eighty percent of either message content or message richness, all experts agree that body language, facial expressions and tones account for a big part of the message received.

In addressing tone, a good communicator must understand their environment and situation. During corrective coaching, a leader cannot be overly upbeat or friendly in tone. When having relationship based dialog or during tone setting, you cannot come across in a flat, monotone or disinterested tone. Tone, in communication is an interesting dynamic that is driven by attitude. When the attitude is strong and healthy, a person is more likely to correctly adapt to different tone situations. When attitude is poor, tone adaptations are less likely to occur or, at the least, occur in a well done manner.

The great mirror of tone, and attitude for that matter, is the human face. Very few leaders are truly in tune with how their face looks during communication. Many are unaware of the wrinkled brow, scowl or stares of indifference that they cast on a regular basis. Under stress and with a poor or sinking attitude, managing facial expressions becomes a remote after-thought.

Effective leaders and great communicators make a special point of being aware of and managing their facial expressions. They understand what others see on their face and they actively work to create facial expressions that add to, and not distract from the message. This facial management is an important part of the non-verbal communication package and very important in controlling the tone of any dialog.

A couple of other non-verbal messages to be aware of include crossed arms, hands in pockets and single finger pointing. The crossed arm position, especially prevalent in sitting positions and during colder temperatures, shows a closed and uninterested position. For men more than women, the hands in pants pocket message is very common. When those hands slide in the front pockets it demonstrates a nervousness or disinterested position. Many people show this when standing for introductions or in other uncomfortable situations.

First recognized by the airline industry, the single finger point is a very aggressive piece of body language. Many people report that they feel assaulted or at the least, uncomfortable when others point. And as we all remember from our parents, it is rude. An interesting side note on single finger pointing is that many studies conclude that the aggressive nature of this piece of body language is not limited to pointing at a person but rather is equally aggressive when pointing towards other objects.

We can’t put them in our pockets, cross them, put them around our mouth or point them, so what do we do with our hands and arms. Effective leaders have found great value to engaging their hands and arms as message accentuation tools. Quite simply this means to use your hand and arms to assist in adding emphasis and enthusiasm to the message package. A little hand and arm movement shows you are engaged and believe your message as well.

Monday Mentor-Week 42-Maintaining and Reparing Relationships

As simple as beginning to build a relationship seems, maintaining a relationship in the working environment becomes tricky and difficult. The first order of business is to insure that the relationship is reciprocal and not one sided. People must not feel, perceive or detect that you are using them or manipulating them in the relationship.

This means that you must provide assistance and openness when required and without strings attached. You must be willing to help, mentor and coach when there is no immediate gain for your or your part of the organization. You must also spend time with the people you have built relationships with and continue to communication and build rapport. Effective relationships also require a healthy dose of forgiveness. The forgiveness of faux pas, the forgives of neglect, the forgiveness of lack of understanding, the forgiveness of neglect and the forgiveness of the lack of reciprocation.

Forgiveness is a funny equation. We all admit we need it for our own mistakes and misspeaks but we tend to be a little stingy in providing it. As openly as we seek forgiveness of others, we must provide it to others.

Repairing
The final element of fully engaging relationship power is the need to repair relationships in the working environment. Repairing relationships that have been strained over time or not tended to because of the demands of our jobs.

Repairing will require a big amount of swallowing your pride and ego to do the right thing. Relationships are about building a long lasting power base and sometimes you have to subordinate your own ego to get this done.

Like in building relationships, this is not about you waiting for others to approach you. This is about you taking the initiative and responsibility for the relationship and reaching out to those in which the relationship has become strained. This will also require you to apologize for something that, in many cases, you have not done wrong. You are apologizing for the strain or apologizing for the miscommunication or apologizing for the neglect. It is the first step in repair and may not always be reciprocated but it is a starting point.

Monday Mentor-Week 41-The Starting Points of Coaching

Coaching is defined in many ways, terms and contexts. For our purpose, coaching is a stream of communication from the leader to team members for the purpose of maintaining and improving performance.

Often times, coaching is viewed as an athletic function and visions of Bobby Knight, Dean Smith, Tom Osborne or Lou Holtz are summoned. The model provided by the athletic version of coaching is not far off from the business model but there are some distinct differences.

One of the comments that has often been expressed about coaching is the lack of time to devote to this activity. This is a classic symptom of a leader being too involved in doing and not involved in leading. When debunked this comment is really more about a lack of comfort in coaching skills than it is about available time.

Team members who do not receive regular coaching often feel disengaged from the organization and leader. Morale will suffer and in the absence of good coaching, team members will take an active role in defining what is good and bad in the organization. Strong personalities, sometimes for very bad reasons, will rise to an unofficial position of importance and drive team effectiveness. Team members with no coaching will also become fearful, tentative and resentful of the lack of knowing where they stand.

When effective coaching is present, the opposite will occur. Team members are engaged, upbeat, clear in their direction and clear in their understanding of where there performance is at. Team members will develop a much clearer understanding of the organization’s needs and how they fit in the big picture with good coaching. They also will see hope in their own growth.

The core coaching competency is good communication skills. To coach you must be able to communicate. In groups, with individuals, following-up in writing; a leader must be able to express their comments, suggestions, praise and encouragement effectively.

The other core competency in coaching is the need to be a people person. Although this phrase is pretty grossly overused, you must enjoy interacting with team members to be an effective coach. The boss that hides in her office and buries her nose in projects and paper work is often expressing a discomfort with dealing with people and thus avoiding coaching activities.

The journey into effective and excellent coaching will begin with breaking coaching into three separate pieces. The first piece is feedback. Feedback is providing either positive or corrective information to team members about their performance or behavior. This is the most common form of coaching and should represent a big part of a leader’s coaching interactions.

The second tenet of coaching is teaching and mentoring. This is different from feedback in that it takes a more long-term and nurturing approach. Teaching and mentoring is about providing skills to be successful and growing people for maximum results.

The final piece of the coaching puzzle is a catch-all wing that includes decisions to release team members, game planning and protecting team members. For the purpose of simplicity, we will call this operational coaching.

No single part of coaching is more important than another and none are effective without the other. For team success, feedback is needed, mentoring and teaching are needed and the operational elements of coaching are certainly engaged. Equally important and equally distributed from a leadership perspective.

Monday Mentor-Week 40-Avoiding Change for Change's Sake

New is not automatically better. New is just new.

Trying and testing new methods is absolutely positive and effective leaders must constantly force the issue of challenging the status quo. That does not mean that the leader is blindly committed to new methods.

Some organizations have embraced an innovation only to find that the desired outcome has not been realized. The efficiency and improvement were no where to be found and the ease of implementation has been an oxymoron. In fact, during and after the change, things became much worse but unfortunately, no leader had the courage to raise a stop sign and cease the insanity.

An important part of innovation is to insure that the new method, process or product actually delivers the desired result set. The effective leader must monitor and test all of the assumptions associated with the innovation effort to insure that it is on track. If the results slip, the effective leader must be honest in their assessment and in some cases, stop the innovation.

One sure way to disengage team members and breed a jaded response to change is to narrowly assume that all that is new must be better.